Ill Effects of Born and Raised in Forward Caste

I am not saying my caste here because I am strongly against the evils of caste still silently prevailing in educated Kerala and in many parts of India.

Being born in this particular caste where men has more power over women and women has to forgive and suffer as she is conditioned to blindly believe that she has to be like goddess Lekshmi and has to forgive like goddess Bhoomi (earth). She is not supposed to have courage like goddess Durga and react. She is made to believe that she needs to learn to cook for the whole family without any complaint, need to keep the house clean to welcome goddess Lekshmi even if she is under ill health. She is supposed to tie her hair and shouldn’t cut her hair and nails on Fridays only and inside home. She shouldn’t go to prayer room if she is on her periods. She is supposed to take fasting on certain days for the good health and long life of husband or to get a good husband. After getting a husband, if that man is a womanizer or hurts you physically and emotionally, she is supposed to suffer it because husband is like God.

She doesn’t get support from her own parents or relatives. If she suicides because of problems in her family life, her parents and relatives will do all the death rites perfectly in order for soul to get liberation since it is not a normal death. She is supposed to belief if she dies before the death of her husband, i.e., if she dies as Sumangali, she is lucky. She has to be a mother in order to fulfil her life as a woman (I heard this many times in life). She will attain liberation only if she has a boy child who or another boy of her family has the right to do death rites and not the daughter.

Even if changes happened over the years and she got chance to study, earn a job, etc., still she has to suffer a lot in the name of discipline. She is supposed to keep the good name of family and traditions and she has to silently suffer many things. She shouldn’t question elders, especially father, husband, and in laws. Still in many families, she doesn’t have the freedom to wear the cloth she likes. Due to all this, she gradually loses the power to react.

Even though my parents are educated and giving me and my sister freedom compared to other girls of our family, I and them disagree in many matters regarding our tradition. They say me even if I couldn’t understand certain things, I should follow it because they and all others in family followed this. I am changing each day and learning new things and taking strong steps. Even though certain things hurt my parents, I have to change for my well-being and have to inspire other girls/women to change for their well-being and safety.

Since I couldn’t blindly approve the marriage system and my bad experience with a relationship, I still remain unmarried and made Almighty as my husband who is the only one I trust as a woman. While I travel alone in places I do not know, where I face language barrier, my Almighty comes in different forms to help me. I believe wholeheartedly in my Almighty who saved Markandeya from death, Prahlada from his own father and also saved Draupathi while her 5 strong husbands were helpless. I am on the path of truth and justice and whatever happen I will go forward only.

22 thoughts on “Ill Effects of Born and Raised in Forward Caste

  1. Since I couldn’t blindly approve the marriage system and my bad experience with a relationship, I still remain unmarried and made Almighty as my husband who is the only one, I trust as a woman.
    I have gone through your post, and I express my gratitude to you since you have expressed all your feelings, experiences in life which are very true. 100 percent True.
    They all need goddess Lakshmi for getting rich etc and mother Bhoomi to get tolerated. But they don’t want the action of Mother Durga or Mother KALI.
    Wonderful!!
    Great thoughts by you.
    Highly appreciate this writeup.
    At the end I should say that marriage should be avoided by the individuals if he or she does not get a partner who can be trusted for whole life. Where there is breach of Trust, life becomes hell. To continue with such partner is very painful for any man or women.
    my best regards to you.
    πŸ™πŸ™
    Arun

      1. You are always welcome πŸ˜ŠπŸ™
        I have passed through many kinds of difficulties throughout this life and learnt the lessons.
        Some can learn early some at length.
        I have realised after reaching 58 years. Turned my studies as the vehicle towards Enlightenment.
        Stay blessed always πŸ˜ŠπŸ™β€οΈ
        I would request you to read my post My journey through books. Latest is -part-3.
        Take care. Best wishes 😊

  2. I agree with what you said here. But one thing that I find not helpful in today’s society (mainly this empowerment debate) is that people are getting more and more individualistic, Its all their way or highway. Its only going to result is pain and agony.
    Try to find a win win situation in your life(family) so that no one ‘loses’ in our family.

    1. I am not going to change society or caste system or anything as I know clearly it won’t change easily. It is easy for you to tell since you are a male. I am doing what I feel right and it doesn’t matter me if it hurts my family a little rather than I silently suffer and later went into depression or into a bad relationship and get killed or suicided out of domestic abuse. Then my family would get hurt more and people will blame my parents only. Hope you are well aware about the recent increase in young married women suicides in Kerala and also the divorces due to physical/domestic/emotional abuse.

      1. I do not think being individualistic will help you here that’s all I’m saying.
        FYI people of ‘all gender’ commits suicides, get subjected to violence et al. because of family issues it is just that only one specific gender is getting all the media attention and it is not easy to be a Man. People of all walks of life has problems just because some doesn’t express it it doesn’t mean everything is okay.

  3. May you please know being individualistic or not is my choice. Some people won’t understand sufferings of others until they themselves experience it. I know people of all genders are subject to violent and it is happening in all countries as I am working in medicolegal field and going through real cases daily. Here I write particularly about the problems I am facing and the problems faced by the females in the caste I am in. Everyone talks about the sufferings of women of backward castes, but no one talks about the sufferings of women in forward castes. Whether you agree or not there is strong masculine influence in families still in India and Kerala is far better compared to other states of India. I support all genders and not a feminist. Hurting any gender is not appreciated in what ever name. All has to be treated alike whether it is man, woman or a transgender.

  4. I just said ‘my opinion’ on individualism. It is definitely your choice, in the end it is your life. I do understand your sufferings (not bluffing) and I do sympathize with you. Its just that I’m not a believer of individualism and hence used this forum to voice my “opinion” against it and it was never a ‘diktat’ that you had to follow, it was ‘just an opinion’. _/\_
    I also don’t have any issues with feminism and I don’t believe it is a wrong thing. Like I said earlier, it is ones personal choice and I respect that.
    I hope you understood the keyword and the crux of my response; It was “Individualism” and yes I respect your choice on being individualistic it is just that I don’t agree with you.

    1. Thank you explaining your part well and the support πŸ˜ŠπŸ™ You too have the freedom to agree and disagree and I appreciate it. Hope my words didn’t hurt you.

  5. I should have explained it better I guess. No, your words didn’t hurt me and thank you for your comment.
    PS: I started reading the book (Vasishtasuda) that you suggested me. I have just started reading it but I find it really interesting. Thank your for that too. πŸ™‚

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